Hi Guys, Hope you are all doing well. Again it’s been a while. Apologies (I am beginning to sound like a broken record but still apologies -.-)
Okay, so this topic is kinda dear to my heart…Actually is very dear to my heart. I have always to blog about this but for some reason, I have always found myself postponing it for one reason or another. So today, I decided to JUST DO IT….
First of all, I MUST say, the pressure is very REAL…and that’s especially when you are a woman. As for the men they tend to get away with quite a number of things and it is no BIG deal (I will talk about this in a later blog). Immediately you hit your 20s, all of a sudden a biological clock pops up and is associated to the relevance of your existence…or better still as a lady you need to find you a man or else the CLOCK would have ticked to the point where it WILL be too late for you.
Now, from my observation and what I have come to learn there is NOTHING like any CLOCK ticking anywhere. I normally have such conversations with friends and some disagree with me and others think I may never get married. Well, that’s up to me isn’t it? This is because our minds have been trained to think a certain way which to me does not make any sense. For instance, people have bitter experiences when it comes to the subject of love especially these days when people are catching feelings all over the place, breaking hearts, all in the name of ‘LOVE’ or having fun. I always say the word ‘LOVE’ is probably the most misunderstood word in our generation. People say they love someone yet they ‘LUST’ after the person or they are just after something they will get if they agree to ‘DATE’ the person.
So back to what I was saying, we CANNOT all think the same way. The truth is a person who has been through a lot of heartbreaks or even experienced domestic violent marriage with their parents or any have been sexually abused at an early age may have their own reservations when it comes to being in a relationship not to talk of getting married. So when such a person is probably in their mid 30s and not yet married, don’t go about judging such a person because you do not know their STORY. Infact, for the woman who decided NOT to get married, should not be questioned. At least she is being HONEST with herself and everybody and not pretend she wants it when deep down she is doing this just to be a Mrs or to feel validated or respected in the society (this is the excuse given in most African societies).
One thing I would like to quickly chip in is, nobody validates or completes anyone. I remember back in secondary school, as part of the definition of marriage in Social Studies, they add, any man or woman who is not married is considered as ‘incomplete’ by the society. Then, I learnt it and accepted because it was part of a subject in school. But now, I completely disagree with that statement. Back to the beginning of creation, a woman was not part of God’s initial creation plan but after creating man he realised that he needed a ‘helper’ somebody who will help him manage and take care of what God had created so He created Eve to do just that. Hence, the institution marriage was created. Nowhere in the Bible did God say, Adam was incomplete so I have to create Eve to make him complete. Besides after creation, He said everything was good. One thing I have learned especially from my role models in Christ including Heather Lindsey, Kim Pothier and Devon Franklin who normally advise singles in their waiting periods and even those dating is that, your spouse is supposed to complement you or help in achieving your purpose in your life so if you don’t know your purpose what role is that spouse going to play? Thus your wife or husband does not complete you but rather complements whatever God has given you to do.
These people also preach that as a single person it is very important to know yourself, love yourself FIRST and be happy in your singleness because, saying I DO actually does not change anything. This is the reason they say Love God because He is your FIRST love this is because some people think getting married or even dating someone means all their needs will be met forgetting that person is also human and obviously has their own needs and as such cannot provide all those needs you expect them to provide. God is OUR ultimate provider and not a HUMAN BEING.God never fails, our boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives can fail us because they are HUMANS. Some people think hooking up with someone will fill a void in their heart or make them happy but it is said that when you are miserable being single, you will be miserable married. If you don’t work on making yourself happy all the time, nobody can do that for you not even the one you claim to love so much.
The society however does not care about all this. You see they actually don’t care about the richness and quality of your marriage. They only care about the wedding probably the big ones inspired by Bella Naija or I do Ghana weddings or whichever way so they can come and watch, eat for free and go just like that and make it a subject of discussion for the whole week. But what you should be interested in is how you want your marriage to be and not the wedding. Because it’s like nowadays many people’s concentration is on how grand the one day occasion will be and pay less attention to the journey of the unknown (marriage) that they are about to embark on. Of course, it is GOOD to have a nice wedding, but BETTER to have a fruitful marriage. And a whole lot of preparation comes with doing the latter than the former. Because trust me, the same people who were badmouthing you of being single will be the same people to spread your broken marriage as fast as they can.
BE WISE….To be Continued….
Please leave your comments and suggestions below. God bless.