Lets’s Talk About It: The Pressure to Get Married (Part 2)

Hi guys, so yet again it’s been a while. Hope everyone is doing great. Happy Easter to you all! May the power of the resurrection of Christ cause great things to happen in your life. (Amen!). I decided to continue with this topic and if possible finish with it today….maybe not.

So in the first part of this post, I ended on the note that society putting pressure on a young woman especially to get married should not be the reason to rush and settle for less. It must always be borne in mind that Getting married should not be treated lightly or taken as something to tick off one’s checklist….in summary IT IS NOT A JOKE. The Twi people have a proverb which says ‘Aware3 3nny3 kaba style na atwam’ which is translated as ‘Marriage isn’t like a style of the top of an attire or outfit that fades as time goes by’.So you can’t compare fashion trends to a serious life commitment such as marriage. This means there is supposed to be no rush especially from the individual’s point of argument. Your mum, dad, aunt or whoever may think it is weird being 30 and not having a boyfriend or thinking of getting married and they may be right especially in the instance where they are genuinely concerned but you as an individual needs to understand the stage of life you at that time in particular and be fully assured if you are ready to make such a commitment.

You see, when it comes to decisions such as these, you need to be SELFISH. Your happiness should come first. If you allow yourself to be forced by someone or a group of persons into a union you were NEVER prepared for, or to be with someone you NEVER truly LOVED or got to know on a deeper level then you are on your OWN. Because at the end of the day, whatever happens in the marriage will be your own CUP OF TEA. Where will those people who had opinions about you not getting married be? It will then come flashing in your mind’s eye that probably you should have been a little bit more patient with God, be extra vigilant and allow God to let your spouse find you (Yes FIND you and not you finding him because the Bible says ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing’).

One thing that scares me in this generation is the rate at which people are getting married and quickly getting divorced within a year or two. It seems almost like people do not have respect for the union of marriage. While I understand that nobody goes into marriage with the anticipation that IT MUST END WITHIN THE TWINKLE OF AN EYE. I sometimes blame some young ladies of yielding to the ‘pressure’ that society including social media gives. Seeing an all loved up couple posting pictures on social media does not mean you should pity yourself that you are not in their position especially if you are single. Also if you are in a relationship, seeing wedding pictures on various wedding blogs or platforms on social media should not coerce you to exert pressure on your partner to propose to you or force yourself to giving all sort of signals so he could put a ring on it and then hurry up with wedding preparations. We all need to understand that social media isn’t a place to seek validation in our lives. People only post the things they want you to see. You do not even know the grounds on which those people are getting married, you do not know the problems those couples are dealing with or the gruesome fight they just had before posting all those cosy pictures which made you feel intimidated.

There is this saying that goes…be careful for what you wish for. The grass is never greener on the other side…Do not compare somebody’s stage 7 to your stage 3. As a single person you need to embrace the season you are in and learn all the things you are supposed to be learning instead of yearning for marriage every single second! People need to realise that every stage or phase in life comes with its own challenges and so does marriage so sitting there doing nothing and just expecting marriage to happen to you is setting yourself up for a divorce  later. What are you doing to make yourself beneficial to your future spouse or even to your future family? No man or woman wants to marry a lazy spouse. So do not think after getting that ‘Mrs’ title you have ‘arrived’ or that’s it.  Your marriage will require lots of hardwork which you need to be preparing yourself for in your season of singleness. One popular counsellor in Ghana who is normally attacked on his views on marriage and relationships but who I absolutely adore once said as a lady ‘Don’t marry a poor man which is a man who cannot provide three meals a day with snack’. Many people especially the men disagreed with him of course with most of the comments fused with insults but to think about it what has a jobless man got to be doing with marriage. The man is the provider and the head of the home which the Bible clearly states and the woman assists so how will a jobless man provide for his family. In the counsellor’s argument, a woman who ends up marrying such a man may take him for granted, respect is lost, which could lead into other issues such as adultery eventually ending up in divorce. There may be exceptions to this though but on a general level it is NOT advisable.

The truth is many people are in unhappy marriages and are looking for every means to escape whilst those who are single too are idolising it and as such are looking for every opportunity to either break a home to marry someone else’s husband or just marry anyone to have a sense of fulfilment. But I have come to realise that marriage is not an achievement actually. But I asked myself once I heard this that then why do people say ‘Congratulations’ to a married couple if it isn’t an achievement. Then I concluded that it is a great thing to find your soul mate like they say it and spend the rest of your life with him or her which is worth congratulating but it is not something that should be used as a source of comparison especially between two sisters or amongst friends just like the way you are compared to your friends when they get higher marks than you in a test. It is a lifelong commitment….passing your exams or getting high marks isn’t. They are entirely opposite things.

The most important thing in life is to fulfill your God given purpose. For some marriage is included, for some it isn’t. And especially in African societies that needs to be hammered into people’s long term memory. Someone is not curse or weird if they are not married at a certain age. Again, marriage is a matter of choice. Yes it is not COMPULSORY. Being married or not does not determine where you spend eternity but rather bad marriages (making rush decisions concerning getting married) might make some people miss out where God wants to place them at a point in their lives which may not please God. Whichever way, God knows the answer. That is why it is important to get closer to him each and every day for us to know his will concerning our lives and not when it comes to marriage only. However, it is always important to know that after salvation, who you get married to is the second most important decision you will ever make..that is why it NEEDS to be treated with all SERIOUSNESS….and not initiated by societal pressure.

Let me KNOW your thoughts and suggestions. For my mind…I have said all I wanted to…Should I do a part 3? Thanks for reading.

1 thought on “Lets’s Talk About It: The Pressure to Get Married (Part 2)”

  1. I agree with certain strong statements and examples you raised.Marriage shouldn’t be by virtue of coercion.Not an at all cost journey but let me be quick to add that challenges are inevitable in every aspect of life just as marriage.You can predict its beginning but not it end.I have seen a man married and blessed with everything and doing very well in life.I have seen a man very wealthy married and lost everything.He now depends on f&f for survival.I have also seen a man without a job (once had a job) married and now owns list of companies.I have also seen a man jobless but married.The wife was working with an oil company back in Ghana and the guy was just jobless.Two months into the marriage the guy had a job with ECG and he is now earning much as the wife.As I did mentioned,I have also seen a jobless man married and have struggled till date.Genesis 2:18, It is not good for the man to be alone.I will make a helper suitable for him. (NIV).So yes,this confirms a woman as a helper not just that but also confirms that at a point in time in life you will need a helper.The timing is the issue.That is why when age is catching up on most people in our part of the world they rush to make hesty decisions.But that is not the way to go.The institution of marriage is a unique and a necessary path ordained by God since the day’s of Adam and I pray that all will come to a point of realization.Now,the Bible says He that watches the wind will never sow.That should remind all that in every decision there are 2 opposing points(success and failure).If you won’t marry because of the fear of what is being peddled out there then you are WATCHING THE WIND likewise if you marry because others have or coerced then you don’t understand the foundations of marriage.In all these,I believe we should allow God to mediate our paths.Society(world) is chasing after the wind and making all manner of inputs just to throw away what God blessed to be good and commend to all.Let me be quick to add that ,yes bad marriages can make one miss Heaven just as being single and not being faithful in your singleness to God can also make you miss Heaven.Button line,all you need is understanding the times we are in and applying wisdom.I will entreat all to at a point in time to marry but not to marry because it is a LIFESTYLE.Also,I have seen the mighty fall likewise the ordinary rise vice-versa.Marriage is not about you want to see what your would-be husby or wife has eg. an all-round job,paid well,drives in car,has a decent accommodation,famous etc these things are good but you can loose all within a twinkle of the eye. The foundation of marriage is LOVE not materialism or ageing.I call those things the excesses.If God blesses you with the excesses praise God. On the contrary, if that is absent it doesn’t necessarily mean the marriage is on the verge of collapse.Yes,marriage is a journey of no return so you will need to be clear in mind before you say I do.I always salute couples I hear I married from 1 – 50 years and beyond. Ask them of their secret and u will realize it is God,love,understanding,tolerance and the quest to protect what they have sown in the past.That is what has kept them going.There is never a perfect marriage.You sometimes fail,mess up but u ought to wipe off the mess and move on.I would advice all singles not to be intimidated by what they hear or see around them.Believe that if all men are saying it is not well yours will be well.Walk the path of faith. .Allow the Holy Spirit to minister to you in all your endeavours.This is what some believers and unbelievers are missing so they are either scared to marry or marry and call for divorce in no time.Remember,…and God said it is good.I urge all to see marriage as act ordained by God but it also doesn’t mean all will marry before leaving earth.Watch,pray and be guided by the Holy Spirit but not what society or the world says…I call on all Christians to pray into their marriages and ask God to take the center of affairs.To the unbeliever who may be reading this post,please make God the standard of your life.Not what society thinks and you will see the hand of the Lord in your life.May we be blessed.Happy Easter (He is the risen for the season).Amen.
    I await your views and part 3…thx for the write-up.

    Liked by 1 person

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