I Had The Wrong Perception


Precious Chidera, a guest contributor shares her thoughts on how society made her see singlehood as a trap EVERY single woman must escape before the age of 30 and how she realized she was NOT bound to those perceptions. I hope you enjoy her story.


My people perish for lack of knowledge as written in the Holy Book could not have been put better especially when it comes to some misconceptions in our society today. Growing up in my country, Nigeria, I had a lot of wrong perceptions about life specifically ‘being single’. I found myself in a society where a single lady or man that is above the age of 30, is seen as hopeless, frustrated, and incomplete. I realized that the stigmatization pertained more to the ladies who were mostly referred to as worthless, unmarriageable and mostly facing spiritual problems that needed cleansing or perhaps prayers.


I know I wasn’t the only one with this wrong perception. This sort of society’s culture of shame and disparagement towards women made a lot of ladies have little or no self-esteem for themselves once they get to a certain age and are still single. As I grew older, my perception of singlehood, relationship, marriage and parenting changed. Hence, I realized that a lot of young ladies and men rushed into relationships, get married and start raising kids without being emotionally, financially, psychologically and even spiritually prepared for it. What for? All in a bid to soothe the society and have a sense of belonging! Then I ask myself What’s the rush for? Why will a single lady not celebrate herself enough just because society has a culture of shame? How do people wake up and start a relationship or marriage they are clearly not ready for? All these questions and many more kept me wondering and I am sure some of you might have had the same thoughts too.


Well, welcome to my world, where I know being happy, fulfilled, responsible, respected and having self-esteem has nothing to do with one’s marital status. Rather look inside of you, discover the real you and explore only then you would realize that marriage has never and can never be the reason you can achieve these qualities you truly desire in life. I love this quote by Emma Bombeck which says, and I quote, “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you are looking for, go live with a car battery”.


Sometimes a lot of ladies feel going into a relationship, marriage and parenting is the best route of escaping from chores at their parent’s or most importantly bearing the title Mrs. to throw it in the faces of their single friends, only for them to end up being disappointed because it was not all that they expected. Then, they end up more frustrated and confused than they were as singles.


But I pray that someday young unmarried women will learn how best to celebrate every moment of their lives. To all the single ladies out there, please raise your glass as we make a toast to better us. I celebrate every woman out there.


Well, this is brief and quite straight to the point. These discussions should be hammered down into the head of every young girl. Society will always be society. Live your life and live it to the fullest! With or without a man. 


Looking forward to your articles as well. Just get in touch via email (asumadugertrude@yahoo.com).


Have an amazing week ahead!

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