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Acrimony, The Movie: My Thoughts

 

Just to put this here initially, this is not a ‘professional’ critique or a movie review but what I thought of the film and how it is applicable to real life. *I will try not to give too many spoilers for those who have not seen it yet*

 

So about a few months ago, I heard of a new movie titled Acrimony by Tyler Perry which of course stars the amazing Taraji P Henson (Cookie!!!). I am not really a fan of Hollywood movies (yes! I do African movies mostly Nollywood), but in the past year, I have enjoyed amazing Hollywood movies like Wonder Woman, Fences, Get Out, Hidden Figures, Spot light and Beauty and the Beast and series such as Empire, and Black Ish. 

 

 

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Official Poster of Acrimony

 

 

Acrimony is a movie about a young girl who falls in love with a young man in college. At the beginning of their relationship, the young girl (Taraji’s character, Melinda) lost her mum and of course was vulnerable and in a very naive girl’ s way of healing or better put feeling loved, found solace in her boyfriend (Lyriq Bent’s character, Robert). This led her to make huge sacrifices for her new found love which included paying for the rest of his college fees (from her late mother’s will to her), putting her late mother’s house on sale to help them through the hard times, being the sole breadwinner for years whilst Robert was struggling to fund his Gayle Power force idea (essentially jobless)….. The last thing that broke the camel’s back was when Robert rejected an offer which could have helped their financial status at the moment….Melinda had been drained financially, physically, emotionally and all sorts and could not take it anymore…DIVORCE she wanted! Now, as unpredictable as life is, Robert finally got a huge deal for his Gayle Power Force innovation and hey, another woman was to enjoy all that he promised Roberta after all those years of suffering. Though heavily compensated, will Roberta have another woman ‘REAP’ where she did not sow?? Your guess is as good as mine!

 

Now, I know everyone will have their own interpretation of this but from my own point of view, I have always said it and will always stand by it that ‘Be careful how you interpret Love to your beloved in terms of the sacrifices you make – You many never Reap the way you expect to‘. What do I mean? First of all, Roberta started a relationship in college/university…at an age where she was probably still trying to find herself. Eventually, she found someone who probably came in just about the right time…she was grieving…needed someone to help her forget about what she was going through at the time (an escape from reality). Due to this, she was ever ready to do anything in her power to make that relationship work… Robert saw this and tapped into the riches her late mum had left her (call it helping but I see it as a smart man who did not want to waste chances, well not an entirely bad thing). Hear me out!

 

Personally, I would not disclose every personal bit about me especially at the early stages of a relationship…It is called WISDOM. I don’t know but they say Love makes people do foolish things but I think it is a personal choice to be foolish and not as a result of love…Loving someone does not mean be foolish.

 

In my honest opinion, Roberta was foolish and that was something that could have been easily dealt with from the very beginning..In fact, she would not even listen to her sisters (especially a broke ass nigga you are helping who cheated on you…and you go ahead to marry him? Ah well!)

 

Now, Robert, on the other hand, was not an entirely bad person…I mean nobody is entirely a BAD person, it depends on which angle or perspective you decide to look at them from. He initially had a dream of building a battery, Gayle Power force which will rake billions when he finally hits. I mean despite the horrible financial situation they found themselves in after their very early marriage, being at home all day whilst Melinda alone works two jobs, he still worked hard at this battery and at a time where their dream could materialise, he decided to reject an 800,000 dollar cheque believing that the idea was worth more than that! I mean how!!! Everyone around him was telling him to take it but headstrong he didn’t! I believe Robert is a victim of circumstance and although he could have saved his marriage there and then by taking that money (which meant losing his IP over the innovation) and then making other investments which could bring in more money, he weighed the pros and cons and still decided to hope for the best.

 

We have all been there…That time in your life when there is a very good deal on offer but you trust that you deserve better and as such decide to hope for the best instead of just taking what is hot at the moment. We cant categorically, say Robert made a mistake by suffering a divorce as a result of hoping for the best which he thinks is entitled to…And we cannot also say Melinda was wrong for not standing with him till his innovation raked in those billions hence translating to the life he always promised her. I believe at such critical stages everyone is entitled to their own decision and should be respected for that…of course, no matter how the consequences turn out, one should be willing to face it but this was not the same for Melinda,

 

The main reason, I do not encourage investing in a man especially in the early stages of a relationship is ‘there is always an expectation that, his plans are supposed to work out especially within a specified frame of time and when that does not happen, it only leads to anger, bitterness, regret and all sorts just like in the case of Melinda’. What if this man decides to move on after he blows or you probably decide to move on too…what if, just what if…The expectations….always bring the problems…

 

In the case of Melinda, she got compensated for all she spent on Robert (a cheque) but of course, she lost him to another woman coupled with all the other things she dreamt of enjoying with him…She then realized another woman will be reaping off her investments…Not possible! She had to fight back and oh she diiidd!! But to what end? You need to watch to find out for yourself!

 

I can go on and on but things like these happen most times in societies and I have heard similar stories. My thing is just do not invest in any man or even woman with the expectation that you are entitled to him or her money or him or the person actually for the rest of their lives. This is life! People grow up, realize they want better, decide to move on…whatever….Just do not put all your eggs in one basket to avoid stories that TOUCH! #invesatyourownrisk, ‘investwithouttoomuchexpectations, #irrespectiveof everythingnobodyowesyouanything.

 

I hope you enjoyed today’s blog post. Have you seen the movie? What do you think of it? Who was right, who was wrong? If you were Melinda would you feel cheated? If you were Robert how would deal with the whole situation? Did you like how the movie ended? Let me know your thoughts in the comment section.

 

I have actually thought of doing movie reviews too..because I watch a lot of movies actually, well Nollywood movies…so maybe I would. Watch this space!

 

 

 

 

What Feminism is Really About (My Thoughts)

 

When Feminism is mentioned, I am sure one person, in particular, comes to mind….the Great Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. From a distance I have admired her and happened to listen to some of her TED Talks…the popular ones namely The Danger of a Single Story’ and ‘We Should All Be Feminists‘.

 

 

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Now, I know in as much as this woman is genuinely loved by many, of course there a lot of others who hate her including women who mostly think her views on feminism are too extreme…and that she is just a sadist or looking for cheap attention…Fair enough.

 

Over the past few weeks I read three of her books including ‘We Should All Be Feminists‘, ‘The Thing Around Your Neck‘ and ‘Dear Ijeawale or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions‘. I am yet to read her other popular books which include Half of a Yellow Sun, Purple Hibiscus, and Americanah but regarding those I have read so far, my favorite has to be ‘Dear Ijeawale or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions‘. This is because, in my opinion, it summarises everything that has got to do with feminism.

 

The sad thing is many people including women think to be a feminist means you hate men, hate marriage or just being a rebel to all the laid down rules in our patriarchal society.

 

In the said book, Chimamanda outlines different scenarios whereby a woman is either subdued or told to do or not to do certain things just because it might scare men away (the notion that marriage is a woman’s ultimate achievement in life baffles me). For instance, she mentions a lady she knows who would not drive her nice car and would not live in her posh house just because it will make her seem unattractive or threaten a man. In her own words, ‘a man that is threatened by my achievements is the kind of man I do not want‘. Apt!

 

Another instance is…in my local parlance there is a word young girls are normally referred to known as ‘Aketesia‘ which literally means ‘Cover and hide your body for your future husband‘. This is a good thing because it encourages chastity..however, it is not the same for a young man. In fact, it is mostly applauded when a young man has numerous girlfriends but when a girl at a certain age is even seen talking to boys who are probably friends, she is tagged as a whore…In the case where a girl gets pregnant out of wedlock, she is shamed heavily forgetting that she did not have sex with herself, you then wonder, what about the guy she committed fornication with?… Our society is filled with double standards and it is just sickening….and the danger is we are so used to it that when someone (like Chimamanda) decides to rise up against these stereotypes she’s tagged all sorts of names.

 

Recently, she came under heavy backlash for saying that opening a door for a woman should not be done on the basis of seeing the woman as the weaker sex. The truth is, most people are so used to their ways of thinking and do not even want to assimilate information before giving their own opinions…hell no, some people will not even watch the full video but immediately they see a twisted caption from those bloggers who want traffic on their blogs they join others who are either frustrated or just feel the urge to insult and then do the needful.

 

The truth is we all live in a misogynistic society and we can only try to spark these conversations but then if the same women being fought for are castigating the same person airing those thoughts that they might probably have but do not have the courage to voice out…then we have a LONG WAY TO GO.

 

The truth is feminism has always been there…way back…In fact, Chimamanda mentioned that her great-grandmother was a feminist. I think many people have just started becoming vocal about it these days and it is a good start.

 

When I say I am a feminist (which as far as I am concerned has different types but I will stick to the one that I can easily identify with). I am saying I want to be treated like my male counterparts and not be shamed for the same things they are praised for…I am not saying I want to be like a man because no matter how I try I will always be a woman and a man will always be a man. However, I am saying I should not be shamed for not wanting marriage or being disrespected in a marriage and enduring all forms of abuse in it just because it is assumed I am some type of nonliving thing that has no feelings or I want to please society. If I so desire to have a child with a man and not get married, I should not be dragged to hell and back because I decided to drift from the societal norm of getting married and having babies. I want to be in control of who I have sexual intercourse with and how many. I should not be shamed for satisfying my own sexual desires when the men in question are praised for being MEN because after all, they are MEN. I should be allowed to compete with men in competitions and not be doubted for just being a different gender. In a boardroom filled with men, I should be judged based on my intellectual capacity and what I BRING TO THE TABLE and not based on my gender or whether I am capable of being there or having doubts as to whether I got there through my intellectual ability or ‘sleeping my way through’. When a position is available and I qualify and my male counterpart does not, I should not be cheated out of it with the excuse that it is a man’s world or a woman cannot lead a group of men or whatever but rather be given that opportunity because I earned it and deserve it.

 

The next time as a man or woman you feel the urge to trash feminism, think of a world whereby yourself, your daughters or the women in your generation will continually be oppressed just because they are labeled as an unfortunate or a weaker sex…as if being a woman is an abomination. Let me chip this in here, I know some people misconstrue what feminism is and misinterpret it to disrespect men or not having any regard for them which is NOT what it is about

 

Feminism says YES to Inclusivity and NO to discrimination against women.

 

I hope you enjoyed this post. Have a blessed week and Stay tuned for more

Six Years Later……

 

I was actually not blogging today…but it just hit me that I am supposed to be celebrating an anniversary today, an important one at that (I normally don’t do this but I just decided to put this here…)

 

 

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6 years ago, I arrived in the UK from Ghana a month and two weeks after leaving secondary school. This time round, it was not for a vacation (well, it kind of was initially) .I do not even want to talk about the journey from Ghana to UK, because it is actually the worst travel experience I have ever had! SMH. I do not want to spoil the market of the  airline in question so I would keep that out. The best thing is I happen to have met a ‘guardian angel’ who made things far better. Good people still exist yanno!

 

One of the main reasons or the main reason actually I came to the UK was to continue my studies; that is to the tertiary level. I was excited of course but was wondering how it was going to be…there were some expectations you know….

 

From September 2012 to July 2016 (my period in university) I would say was a very interesting phase in my life. I learned soo much about myself and damn life also taught me soo much…In fact everyone around me taught me something that I will never forget…the good, the bad and the VERY ugly! I think these are some of the experiences that properly shaped me into adulthood and made me also see certain things from different perspectives. So, despite how difficult that moment was I will always appreciate those lessons because without them, I would not be where and who I am today.

 

Reminiscing, I am also thankful that I have discovered myself, my purpose and still in the purpose of discovering more each and every day and happened to have done that in a foreign land. I then realised that sometimes you find yourself at a place other than your own country or where you are used to. So, I am thankful to God for placing me at this land and also to my parents for making that happen.

 

Two years after the said purpose I came here for, it has also been an interesitng journey SO FAR; the expectations, the failures, rejections, the rediscovery among others…But this is what life is meant to be like…whatever it throws at you, you learn through it, grow and move on.

 

I am proud of the woman I have become and where God is taking me. He has done so much for me these past 6 years and there is more being done and more to come! I am thankful for all the experiences and the explorations! Cheers to his goodness, mercies and favour in the coming years.

 

P.S. Damn! I miss Ghana so much…..and I can’t wait to be BACK! Despite everything, there is no PLACE like HOME…(a place you grew up and had many memories and experiences with friends and family).

 

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

 

 

Have an amazing weekend y’all! Stay tuned for more in the weeks to come 🙂

Parenting: A Favour or a Responsibility?

 

Growing up in an African home, it almost always seems like your parents are doing you a favor by providing your basic needs…(something they are actually responsible for) for example sending you to a good school, ensuring you are well fed, clothed, sheltered, emotionally, psychologically and physically great. 

 

 

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I am not yet a parent but when eventually, I become, it must come from a place whereby I am ready to bear all the responsibilities that come with it because trust me I know parenting can be hard. Growing up especially in school, I saw my parents, pay school fees, buy clothes and other accessories, money for upkeep, books, travel among others. I mean there was a LOT OF SPENDING. Of course, I am not the only child but even if I was, that is still a lot of money being invested in me. I appreciate my parents for all the sacrifices because trust me it may sometimes be hard for them but they made sure I never lacked anything…

 

However, I am sure before considering bringing me into this world, they must have thought it through and considered the costs associated with raising a child. Not just the money aspect but being emotionally, psychologically and even physically prepared to bring another human into the world. I mean that is the wisest thing to do, right?

 

My parents have done an amazing job of raising me, however, sometimes I am a little concerned with some of the things they say especially when I needed something from them. I have had conversations with friends and apparently, it is like that almost in every home. You hear things like ‘When I was your age, I used to go to the farm before going to school’ or ‘I used to walk barefooted or wear tattered shoes to school’, or ‘I used to eat once a day and drink lots of water and that was it’ and all sorts of things that make you feel that perhaps it was your fault they had a not so appealing childhood life or you are being done a huge favour for not having to go through the same things that they went through. Of course, it is an unfortunate thing which I sympathize with them but when it sounds like you are always rubbing it in, then it begins to sound like a broken record!…. Like….yeah…there we go again!

 

Not that our parents lie because I understand that in those days, many families had to struggle to make ends meet and most of our parents had to help by either going to the farm before going to school and then come back and help sell some of the produce in the market after school or during the weekend. My mum will tell me of how she used to sell items all throughout her schooling with some sort of support from her parents, grandparents and some extended family members. When I compare, my childhood to hers, of course, I had a better one than she did.

 

However, one thing I always say is that though my parents did well in providing for me, I will make sure my children have a better experience than I did…and also try not to make it sound like ‘You do not deserve it but I will provide for you anyways’…

 

So, Dear African Parents (especially). we appreciate your support throughout all these years and we sympathize with the rough childhood experience most of you seemed to have had, however, please do not take the blame on us…we have just been fortunate to not have been through that experience which of course is NO fault of ours…You probably had to go through that so that we may have better experiences. However, this does not take the fact away that you are RESPONSIBLE for our needs (unless we reach an adult stage where we start taking care of our own needs)…so I know it can be hard looking at what we are getting or got compared to what you got, but please do not take the frustration on us… 😦

 

We wish it was just like ours or even better but there is nothing that can be done about it.

 

As your children, we, of course, appreciate everything you have done and continue to do for us because we understand your struggles in performing your duties as parents…but I guess that is one of the crosses you have to bear for bringing us into this very tough world. Especially as there are some parents who do not even make an effort to provide for their children thus leaving them to fend for themselves….Those are the ones who probably see parenting as a HUGE FAVOUR or better still BURDEN which they were not ready for. Sigh!

 

In a nutshell, Parenting is TOUGH…It is a responsibility on its own, a HUGE ONE. And only those who are READY for it should start thinking of having children (whether married or unmarried) but in the case where you are ready or aren’t, is a choice to be made. Eventually, when the responsibilities kick off, just be ready to face it…The children are innocent and should not be blamed for anything at all…They can only be grateful and appreciate that they are parents are being RESPONSIBLE…an attribute they can learn from, hence doing same when they also become parents.

 

I hope you enjoyed today’s blog post. Stay tuned for more. Happy new month everyone! May this new month bring answers to all your prayers and may the other half of the year exceed all your expectations.

 

 

 

Are You Reading Enough?

 

Truth be told, most people do not like reading…the reason, I do not know…probably because it was not a skill cultivated whilst growing up thus they just did not fancy it. For some people, even though it was part of them when they were growing up, after a while, they just did not find it interesting anymore..

 

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Whatever category you may fall into, I doubt reading should not be something that should be considered an option or up for debate. As a human being, it is paramount that you gain knowledge and one of the ways to do so is to read and NEVER stop reading!

 

When I was in secondary school. we were given books to read every time we were on vacation. Sometimes, we were tested to see whether we actually read the books or not, other times too we were not. In the beginning, I struggled to keep up because I found some of the books boring and as such did not see the point of reading them at all. However as time went on, I decided to let go of that notion and just read to learn something new, a new word and if I am fortunate, be entertained that is if the book is interesting. This really helped as I have grown to become a person who is always seeking knowledge from various journals, articles (online or print) among others to expand my knowledge base. Consequently, I have learned new things, challenged my thought process in many ways because I CHOSE to read.

 

Fast forward to the present, I find myself buying books to read and even recommending it to others to grab a copy too. I also download a couple online sometimes, though I prefer hard copies in the end, it boils down to gaining knowledge.

 

This year, in particular, one of my goals was to read a book per month and so far, I have done that so well through discipline (because at most times I was lazy). The books I have read so far which I will recommend include;  Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi, Soar by T.D. Jakes, The Hollywood Commandments by Devon Franklin, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, Silent Seasons by Heather Lindsey, Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath, Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki and Sharon Lechter. I am in the process of finishing The Richest Man in Babylon by George Clason. For the next 6 months, I will be reading books by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (Americanah, Half of a Yellow Sun, Purple Hibiscus, We Should All Be Feminists, Dear Ijeawale/a Feminist Manifesto in 15 Suggestions, The Thing Around Your Neck, among others), Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k and any other books I find interesting.

 

If you are wondering how you could get books to read for free online, below are some websites I shared with my mentees a few weeks ago which I believe you might find useful too;

http://oceanofpdf.com/

http://www.techverse.net/website-download-free-ebook-pdf/

https://www.lifewire.com/download-free-books-3482754

https://www.cisdem.com/resource/6-best-websites-to-download-free-pdf-books-and-documents.html

https://www.hongkiat.com/blog/20-best-websites-to-download-free-e-books/

 

I hope you find them useful! Never stop reading. Seek knowledge for Knowledge is Power. Have an awesome Reading Time (You have to cultivate it or else it will look like a Herculean task).

 

Thanks for reading. If you have any website in mind for free downloadable books, please share in the comment section. If you have any interesting book you are currently reading or have read, please feel free to share and I will check it out.

 

Enjoy the rest of the week!

The ClapBack Season! (Social Media Woes)

 

If you are very active on social media, then you should have heard the famous word ‘Clapback‘….I doubt there is an ‘official’ meaning for the word but with regard to my own understanding, it is when someone goes in hard on someone who tried to insult them or humiliate them (whether with a post or comment etc) with the intent of making them feel the way they felt or even worse of!

 

 

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Before the advent of social media or even outside social media into the real world, clapping back is when you say things like ‘I gave it to her‘ or ‘I gave her a piece of my mind‘! and all sorts…

 

I have seen many people clap back and others who have been clapped back at and mostly, this is what makes social media interesting…in some people’s opinions

 

Personally, I do not enegage in such things and even if I have to…NOT on Social Media. I have come to realise that I am building a brand and as such whatever I say or do especially online reflects my values and principles as a person. Thus, when I leave a harmless comment on a post (which I hardly do unless I am tagging a friend to laugh with) and then someone chooses to make a derogatory comment, I CHOOSE to ignore the person because in my opinion, they do not deserve my reply or attention. It is a PERSONAL thing and I will ALWAYS stand by that.

 

I remember some time ago, I used to tag this friend of mine whenever I see a funny post on Instagram then we laugh about it and vice versa. Then one time someone replied to my comment that he always sees me tagging this particular friend of mine bla bla and it seems we are under every post…I was pissed but at that moment I had so many nasty things I wanted to say but I controlled my emotions and ignored him…However, the friend I tagged under that particular post DIDN’T, she CLAPPED BACK…which was a good thing for her…she did not use any nasty words but she put him in his place….That is fair enough.

 

However, I have a problem when people go all the way out to say all manners of things trying to defend their point or trying to win others to their side..Totally unecessary in my opinion.

 

Throwing shade, another form of clapback is also very common these days. I am of the opinion that, if you have a problem with someone, with regard to something they said or they did, there is no need to stylishly attack them in cringeworthy posts trying to win others to your side or sound like the better person….hence being all emotional. You have their number, call them or message them and let them know how you feel about what they did and like ADULTS, settle your scores then life goes on. If that does not yield any fruit too, at least you tried. Coming online to vent in my opinion is useless…because the person might not even know you are referring to them or might even not regard it….But again what do I know?

 

This cycle, I am confident will never end because people will always ‘not mind their business’ and people who feel the need to put people on a blast will then respond again and again and again. I always say this Social Media of a thing is not that serious so people should take it easy.

 

Employers these days will search for you across all social media platform and the internet and like they say, ‘The Internet never forgets‘….That nasty comment or clapback you left for someone in order to be crowned king or queen of shade/clapback three years ago would suffice after a google search….How will you then defend yourself?

 

I am not saying you should allow people trample over you just because you want to appear decent online but I am saying before you leave any comment, post anything or clapback, Ask yourself that after a few hours or days will I still be mad at this person? Will it really matter in the next 3 hours or days? Do I even have to respond? Does this person deserve this attention I am about to give to them?

 

And to those who have made it a point to troll others online all in the name of being funny or sarcastic or whatever, just imagine if it were you. how would you feel? Let us not think that others do not have feelings and hence attack them from any angle we want even when they did not do anything to warrant that.

 

Social Media should not make you a KeyPad Warrior, a Cyber Bully or a Beast in a Human Body.

 

I hope you enjoyed today’s post. Let me know what you think. Have you ever had to clapback at someone? If so, how did you handle the situation?

 

Have an amazing weekend ahead!

I Had The Wrong Perception

 

Precious Chidera, a guest contributor shares her thoughts on how society made her see singlehood as a trap EVERY single woman must escape before the age of 30 and how she realized she was NOT bound to those perceptions. I hope you enjoy her story.

 

My people perish for lack of knowledge as written in the Holy Book could not have been put better especially when it comes to some misconceptions in our society today. Growing up in my country, Nigeria, I had a lot of wrong perceptions about life specifically ‘being single’. I found myself in a society where a single lady or man that is above the age of 30, is seen as hopeless, frustrated, and incomplete. I realized that the stigmatization pertained more to the ladies who were mostly referred to as worthless, unmarriageable and mostly facing spiritual problems that needed cleansing or perhaps prayers.

 

I know I wasn’t the only one with this wrong perception. This sort of society’s culture of shame and disparagement towards women made a lot of ladies have little or no self-esteem for themselves once they get to a certain age and are still single. As I grew older, my perception of singlehood, relationship, marriage and parenting changed. Hence, I realized that a lot of young ladies and men rushed into relationships, get married and start raising kids without being emotionally, financially, psychologically and even spiritually prepared for it. What for? All in a bid to soothe the society and have a sense of belonging! Then I ask myself What’s the rush for? Why will a single lady not celebrate herself enough just because society has a culture of shame? How do people wake up and start a relationship or marriage they are clearly not ready for? All these questions and many more kept me wondering and I am sure some of you might have had the same thoughts too.

 

Well, welcome to my world, where I know being happy, fulfilled, responsible, respected and having self-esteem has nothing to do with one’s marital status. Rather look inside of you, discover the real you and explore only then you would realize that marriage has never and can never be the reason you can achieve these qualities you truly desire in life. I love this quote by Emma Bombeck which says, and I quote, “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you are looking for, go live with a car battery”.

 

Sometimes a lot of ladies feel going into a relationship, marriage and parenting is the best route of escaping from chores at their parent’s or most importantly bearing the title Mrs. to throw it in the faces of their single friends, only for them to end up being disappointed because it was not all that they expected. Then, they end up more frustrated and confused than they were as singles.

 

But I pray that someday young unmarried women will learn how best to celebrate every moment of their lives. To all the single ladies out there, please raise your glass as we make a toast to better us. I celebrate every woman out there.

 

Well, this is brief and quite straight to the point. These discussions should be hammered down into the head of every young girl. Society will always be society. Live your life and live it to the fullest! With or without a man. 

 

Looking forward to your articles as well. Just get in touch via email (asumadugertrude@yahoo.com).

 

Have an amazing week ahead!

My Thoughts on The Rise of Suicide in Today’s World.

 

I am sure for the past few weeks, most of us have seen on social media or if not heard of some celebrities including Kate Spades and Anthony Bourdain committing suicide.

 

It is safe to say that nobody really knows what pushed them into committing such an act (though some have linked it to depression)..but I am sure very soon, the reason will be unraveled or better put we may never know!

 

 

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The truth is that we can say whatever we want that ‘Suicide is never the option‘ bla bla and all sorts but the main issue is people are going through A LOT in life whether celebrities or non-celebrities so once in a while it is important to ask yourself  ‘Am I mentally healthy? Or this friend of mine…Is she Okay? She seems withdrawn these days…perhaps let me find out what could be bothering her/him?

 

In a world when it appears everyone is about their hustle or better put minding their business, it almost seems that we are all selfish when it comes to inquiring what our friends or loved ones are going through. But on the other side, are you someone people can confide in regarding whatever they are going through and not feel judged or even have to think twice because you might end up broadcasting their struggles with others? I believe that many people, especially in African societies, are always told to ‘Deal with it‘ because nobody really cares or ‘You are not the only going through this, so man up‘ and all sorts of words which are the least encouraging especially in that vulnerable moment…

 

Fast forward to a few weeks later when this same person commits suicide..you will now see these same people who were chastising him or her pouring all sorts of encomiums on the victim in question and how they could have opened up etc…

 

The truth is that we live in a society where the dead is more celebrated than the living…When it comes to all genres in the society…be it the music, movie industry etc…the pioneers/legends are hardly talked about or even celebrated for their achievements when they are still alive because oh they are old school and the young ones are the ones reigning..(yeah right!)…But let them die today…that is when you see how hypocritical we are…Probably this person’s living conditions were bad but nobody paid attention to that and probably told them the widely used phrase in the African society ‘God will provide‘… Since ‘God didn’t provide’ probably leading to depression and hence natural death or suicide then they would then be celebrated as heroes, heroines and what have you. May we start being the change we are all striving to see in our world.

 

The trend I have seen on social media after these celebrities committed suicide…are all sorts of posts saying ‘Be kind with your words‘, ‘Call this hotline’Speak up‘ etc…That is good..at least people are realizing that the mental state/wellbeing of people is paramount and as such should be treated with all seriousness. However, knowing the Africa society very well, I do hope we all walk the talk…When you see someone’s picture or something someone posted on social media and you don’t like it for whatever reason..before leaving that hateful comment think twice about how it will make that person feel (knowing the power of words). Before you troll a celebrity online, clap back, drag someone or whichever way you want to put it…just put yourself in their shoes and ask if it were me..how will I feel? And have I considered how it will affect that person emotionally? Do I even know this person’s mental state currently irrespective of the glamorous lifestyle and pictures they portray? If you feel you still need to go ahead and post whatever comment it is you have in mind…then you have no reason saying people should speak up or suicide is not an option…hence preaching without practicing.

 

Let us all do better in terms of being there for each other and creating an avenue where people will not feel mocked talking about their insecurities, fears, problems among others without feeling judged..Be Kind with your words especially to strangers online. Everyone is fighting a battle you have no idea of. The last thing you want to do is to be the cause of someone’s death because of your words.

 

A word to the wise they say is enough!

 

I hope you enjoyed today’s blog post. Enjoy the rest of the week!

 

If you would like to be a guest writer/contributor do drop a comment in the comment section or send me an email via asumadugertrude@yahoo.com and I will definitely get back to you. 

 

 

LIVE!

 

For today’s blog post, my friend, Mimi decided to share something with my readers and I am confident you will pick a thing or two out of it…This life is one whole piece of puzzle and sometimes, reading a few words from someone who has been through whatever phase you are going through now or maybe not, could calm your nerves down….and realize it will be fine in the end!

 

 

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”Its been weeks since I have been pondering over the adage “the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence” and instances that could best suit this adage.

 

Then it happened that three days ago, I visited a friend in the Volta regions capital Ho and she took me to visit a nice place where I took some nice picture; bright smiles, a lovely outfit with a friend’s iPhone which gave the pictures some extra glow. I posted them on WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook, and the comments were more of; ‘You are chilling, Looking good, Eii where is this place‘ etc…

 

Someone close to me enquired further about how I was doing. I opened to her about how life after school wasn’t easy and other struggles I’m facing but her response took me by surprise… Her respond was: ‘Charlie but the pics you are posting don’t show you are tight o’.

 

And I believe most people had the same impression too and generally, people do when they see pictures of others on social media. Am I supposed to show the world that I’m facing challenges?” and even if I were to how many people actually care?”

 

My question is what does it take to snap a nice picture??

 

You in a cool outfit (sometimes even second-hand clothing), a nice pose, a camera or phone (in my own case I used a friends iPhone) and a nice location etc. And someone to take shots of you.

 

And these are not stuff that takes forever to come by. So why the impression that a person has it all once we see beautiful pictures of others on social media? You allow yourself to be intimidated by people and think otherwise when you only look on the surface of everything you see.

 

I have faced depression and have been frustrated because of a lot of issues at various stages of my life and I realized none of these solved my problems. By seeing myself through God’s eye I realized that my kind of joy was different. One which the world couldn’t give me and therefore cannot take from me….it is a kind of joy from above. So, I don’t expect people, friends to understand that I don’t have a job, I’m facing problems yet someway somehow, I get happy, visit beautiful places by no bad means, and still living a satisfactory life. Even during the storms, I find a way to be happy by God’s grace I take each day as it comes…living the moment. I feel some people just don’t want to see you happy.

 

I trust God and it’s enough.

 

So today, if you are facing a hard time, don’t coil in your shell, don’t give up on life! Someone invited you out? Please go, take pictures, if it makes u happy, post them, live the moment. Don’t be afraid to shine brightly. Sometimes the idea of it being you makes them mad but stay lit! Burn them if you may! Giving value to what you have, remaining content, trusting God and learning to appreciate your own fence makes it easier to rejoice amid the storms. The cloudy days are only but for a season. The sun will shine again but until it does you may decide to have joy and live while trusting God or wallow in self-pity and be cold. I prefer a double joy!

 

Basically, social media is nice. But I mean what at all is life?

 

If you don’t lose your identity in the process do what makes you happy!!”

 

Signed: Daughteroftheking👑

 

She could not have put it any better…I always say that in this life, challenges will always come…whether rich, poor, old, young, married, single…whatever state you find yourself in..But the true question…what will you choose to do in the midst of the challenges?..Will you take control of them and live your best life as if everything was perfect? Or continue to sulk, be sad over it…when life is still going on? YOLO (You Only Live Once)….WAKE UP AND LIVE!

 

Until I come your way again (lol I am sounding like all those Radio and TV presenters), do have a blissful weekend…God Bless You All. 

 

P.S If you would also like to be a guest writer/contributor please do send me an email via asumadugertrude@yahoo.com. 

Christianity Today, What is Happening (Part 3)

 

It seems the ills are many but I might never finish if I don’t stop at a point. So this will be the last part of this topic.. (at least FOR NOW)…

 

 

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So on the last blog post, I ended on the note that some people these days are very comfortable in practicing two-faced Christianity…so in church, they are all ‘holy’ but after church, it is a different ball game…..*sigh*. Well, I doubt that is ever going to end…because you know why? These people are praised and even used as examples for others to follow (lmao!). People will do everything in their power to be acknowledged when it comes to getting positions in the church; keep malice, gossiping, and all kinds…but then again I ask to what end? The danger is if you fail as a leader then imagine what happens to your followers…everything will just fall apart as the center can no longer hold.

 

The fact that in Ghana, from the President to the common citizen, about 75% of them are Christians…yet there is STILL a lot of sin in the land and all sorts going on in a Christian country. Most policemen who take bribes are Christians, most lecturers who coerce young girls to sleep with them, lest they fail are Christians, even the headmistress who admits students who did not make it to the school is probably a deaconess or leader in her local church but what do I know? We have normalized sin to the extent that we still try to justify it with misquotations wrong interpretations of the Bible.

 

Let me be specific… One thing I find amusing with regard to the generation of today is when it comes to the topic of celibacy…I watched a popular Youtube Show, BKChat London, some time ago and on one of the episodes, they were having a discussion about celibacy…and one of the guys was like ‘Celi what? What word is that?’ I was not surprised because though most of us call ourselves Christians we tend to pick and choose what favors us…Most male Christians will say…’I need to test the car before buying it’…Uhmm since when did women turn into cars…May God save this generation! I have seen quite a number of YouTube channels with some young couples who were able to withstand the pressures and waited until marriage to have sex…Proud! I am not saying if you were not celibate before marriage or choose not to be celibate you are a bad person. Not at all. That is your life and business… I am just appreciating those who have been able to stay faithful even when they are ‘mocked’ for being celibate before marriage. 

 

One issue I would like to touch on too is the issue of tithing. In recent times, this has generated a lot of controversies with lots of teachings as to whether one should pay or not. Personally, I hate having religious debates because I believe it is foolishness. When it comes to Christianity what does the Bible say about tithing? What is your interpretation of it as led by the Holy Spirit? Hence, are you instructed to pay or not? If so, how much? End of the story! There is no need to be going round in circles about something that has been clearly instructed in the Bible…You will just be ranting and ranting but to what end?

 

Let me just chip this in here, I sometimes get it why people decide to do that… (let me shake some table now..I am in my house come and beat me!).

 

So, in my own church, The Church of Pentecost, It is alleged that a certain Apostle after his tenure of office ended as the National Head in the UK, was given £150,000 and a car as well for a job well done…First of all, I believe in appreciation…but at the end of the day, when it gets overboard then it becomes a problem…Why should such an amount of money be given to just one person when there are probably people in the church struggling to make ends meet? And if you ask me, this man was well taken care of when he was in office, paid and all so are we saying that amount of money is his reward for the ‘work of God’ he came to do…Then meaning he has no reward in heaven since we feel such a huge amount will equate to the work he has been called by God to do…SMH!

 

Due to the emergence of all these kinds of news…I have heard some people murmur they are NOT going to pay tithes again…because this NONSENSE must STOP! Will I blame them? No! Because everyone is entitled to however they want to feel but at the end of the day, it is only God who will judge us all.

 

There are many things I have not touched but with the little I have covered so far, I believe that there is still a lot of work to be done and it needs to start with ourselves. Let us stop giving excuses for our immoral ways and turn back to the Creator because he is merciful and will show Grace upon us. None is perfect..but we cannot continue to live in sin because GRACE abounds. 

 

Dear Pastors and Church Leaders, understand that you have been assigned people to lead to Christ so every decision you make should be biblically inclined and not for personal and selfish gains because, at the end of the day, you will be accountable for each and every one of your members’ soul. Do not preach virtue and practice vice and use your congregation as cash cows to enrich yourselves through fake prophecies, false teachings etc.

 

Dear Member, You need to be as vigilant as the snake.,,for we are in the last days…You need to test every Spirit like the word of God says…for the devil goes around roaring like a lion seeking for whom to devour…

 

I hope you enjoyed this ‘mini-series’ and thanks for staying tuned. Have a blissful week ahead!